Theme parks and other themed environments commonly evoke stories about the past in order to provide their customers with enjoyable experiences. The underlying visions of the past can easily be dismissed as creative fiction drawing on common stereotypes. Usually, these visions are only very loosely related either to historical accounts based on academic research or to genuine cultural heritage. However, rather than dwelling on anachronisms in theme parks, I am interested in this paper in exploring discernible connections between cultural heritage and artificiality, authenticity and theming. Even cultural heritage needs to evoke stories about the past to provide visitors with enjoyable experiences. I argue that an important precondition for that to succeed is not the historical age of an observed object but its pastness. Pastness denotes the perceived quality that a given object is of the past. Pastness is not immanent in an object but may result from the object’s appearance (e.g. patina), its context (e.g. in a museum), or its correspondence with preconceived expectations among the audience. Therefore, pastness can – and indeed must – be designed and managed. There are thus important lessons to be learned from successful theme parks for cultural heritage management. I conclude by speculating about the social significance of fictitious heritage in themed environments.